Rishikesh, 26 December 2006

Dear friends and loved ones,

Swami Rama said it is not possible to do your practice and not have results. In my mind I responded: that's what it looks like, though. I am practicing, gently but still, and not really seeing results... But now, with my experience with the sitting postures as well as with regulating my food intake, I see that it is literally true. It seems to be the difference between doing the practice fairly regularly but still rather haphazardly, or somehow really applying yourself to it. I want to now seriously try the same with yoga nidra practices (yogic, deep, conscious sleep). So far I found two things: (i) there seems to be some improvement (the last few times I did a yoga nidra practice I did not fall asleep. And mind you, before arriving here I slept 8 hours a night, now I am getting between 5 and 6), even though I have not yet been applying myself as much as I would like because of lectures etc. at the time I had set aside), and (ii) I tend to slack on the other two (sitting and food)… So: I have to go nice and slow, but I am really decided to go forward... I know now that it will work.

I really AM going slowly and gently, though. I received concerned reactions about the lingering cough I mentioned in a former letter, and about my defying the polar climate. No need to worry. I am taking good care of myself. The cough is long since gone. And as for withstanding the cold: I am staying well within my comfortable limits, its just that my limits have moved. I have even tried pampering myself one day by using the heater while taking a shower, which was counterproductive: the cooling effect of the wind blowing on your wet body is larger than the heating effect of the warm air. And for the polar: I am not sure it gets colder than 10 degrees… (Celsius).

The other night Swami Veda (SVB) held one of his fiercer talks, trying to install some discipline in his students and disciples at the ashram. We were treated to expositions by our Indian friends who lived in a ‘real’ ashram in their young years (like: get up at four or 4.30, meditate, bathe in the Ganges at 6 - summer and winter - and then the rest of the day an extremely tight schedule that only once or twice leaves you ten minutes to yourself). Then he said that all the gurukulam students (not the guests) were to go on a trip next day to Prabhat Ashram, to live under some real discipline for 24 hours. Though not a gurukulam student, I was invited to join.

The excursion was understood by the students as a punishment, but in fact – though it is undoubtedly true that Swami Veda would like to see more discipline – it was (also) meant as an outing and an opportunity to see something of the ‘real’ India, as the ashram is an enclave. SVB just can’t be harsh and strict for long… When he realized people were not happy, he took the next opportunity to urge everybody to enjoy. Which we did (or I did anyway). Our discipline was not strengthened, I fear…

Gurukul Prabhat ashram is at a three to four hour drive in the direction of Delhi. It took us 5,5 hours, because of excessive and excessively long stops. Certainly the driver gets a commission at those wayside restaurants. But we ended up by arriving, (more or less) at lunchtime. We were led to a large open space, a sand surface that had been firmed up with layers of cow dung. It had the nice half moon pattern like you would get when mopping the floor if it left traces. A long jute mat was rolled out, and we were invited to sit down in a long row, facing the younger gurukulam students (in fact, we have not seen the older ones much). We had our first dilemma. You usually take your shoes off before entering dining hall, and leave them outside the door. But here, where were we going to leave our shoes? It really slowed us down; we were all looking at each other what to do. I saw the Prabhat students had mostly left their shoes right behind where they were sitting, so decided to do the same. I walked over, parked my shoes and sat down. Everybody seemed to have waited for me to do so before deciding to leave their shoes at the edge of the open space, making a very row of shoes that Swami Veda would have been proud. A little embarrassed I got up and brought my shoes in line with the others.

The ashram is fairly large, with some 70 students living there permanently. And when I say ‘permanently’ I mean just that. They go there at the age of nine or ten (still easy to discipline! The average age at Sadhaka Grama is in the thirties I should say), and stay for ten years without leaving the grounds other than to take the cows for a walk in the late afternoon (one of the chores in karma yoga, loving and skilful service to others or the general good). They don’t go home, though rumour has it that things have mellowed down over the years, and they can now go home once during those ten years … That is quite different from our gurukulam, where people often use their weekly holiday (day off) to go into town and do shopping or have lunch, and often go home for a few months in summer (when it becomes stiflingly hot, but for many to earn some money to continue their stay).

Lunch was served on brand new plates which must have been bought for us. They had never been used; the stickers were still on them. Rice, dal, vegetables, no spice and very little oil, and the best chapattis you can imagine. I later found out they grow their own wheat, and every morning the elder students grind wheat for the day’s chapattis. As I don’t usually eat wheat (don’t digest well) I just had one because I was too slow to ward it off, but in the course of our stay I gradually increased. Apart from the chapattis I preferred the food at our ashram, but others considered the Prabhat food better.

In the afternoon we sat for meditation with Swami Vivekananda, the Swami of the place. Again, the shoes were in a very neat row that Swami Veda would have been proud of. We sat on a large field in the open air, as just about everything there. They seem to go inside only for sleeping. It was a short meditation, just a half hour. Then karma yoga, which they do daily. I went with two boys to take the cows for a walk. Literally: the cows are let loose and made to walk for a certain distance, and then back, like walking a dog. Then sports. The Gurukul Prabhat ashram is famous for archery; they have people going to the Olympics. We watched two young men shooting arrows, one after the other, into a very small space. Impressive. It was a holiday for them, so no classes but a full schedule all day long…

Early evening there was a havana (fire ceremony), very nice. It took about an hour, and they do this every morning and every evening. After dinner we had a VERY nice satsang with Swami Vivekananda. Satsang (I think I mentioned before) refers to sitting with the teacher and often takes the form of questions and answers. We first received some information on the background and style of life at the gurukulam, and then Swami Vivekananda gave a very nice talk that I would love to listen to again on a recording, but of course it was not recorded. Nor did I take notes. I liked it so much I thought I would remember, but I don’t. I just remember that he talked about how giving into the desire for the amenities of the world draws you deeper and deeper into the material manifestation part of the universe (which in yoga and Vedanta and Sankhya terms is referred to as prakrti), and this by definition leads you further away from the consciousness principle (referred to as purusha).

We were told that next morning we would be woken up for morning meditation at 4.30, but then they said, well, you know, we do not get together for morning meditation, everyone meditates in his own room. So why don’t you just relax until 6.30, which is when the havana starts… We did. I thought I would wake up early and do my five o’clock meditation anyway, but set the alarm for 6 o’clock just in case. It woke us up from deep sleep…

So, we sat in on the Havana (again one hour), had breakfast (I had the impression our line of shoes was a little less straight), and watched the gurukulam students ‘at work’ i.e. in their studies. As I said, everything happens outside. They were scattered all over the place, sitting in groups or alone. Some were reciting (early on in their stay they have to memorise the 4.000 sutras on grammar by Panini), some were sitting with a teacher, mostly older students teaching the younger ones, others were in groups working among themselves, without teacher.

I went for a walk to the nearby village of Tigri with the faculty member in charge of our excursion. The district of Meerut, where the ashram is located, is clearly sugarcane country. It was harvest time. As we walked the dirt road along the canal, we passed many buffalo drawn carts, heaped high with sugarcane. We even got to do a good deed: helping to push a cart from the fields up to the road when the buffalo could not on his own, whip or no whip. The farmer looked surprised but accepted our offer, and we got behind the cart to push... With an additional hand of another farmer who was passing by, it was easy. Quite satisfied we continued our walk.

We were offered a ride by someone who had just delivered his sugarcane so his cart was empty (just a flat wooden surface). We declined because we wanted to walk. As we entered the village (large village or small town; some 4.000 inhabitants), he invited us to his home. The purpose of the trip was to let us see some ‘real’ India, and we were to meet with Swami Vivekananda only at 11.30, so we accepted. The village was picturesque. ‘Our’ farmer showed us his artisan sugar ‘plant’, and how jaggery is produced. Very interesting, though not necessarily appetizing. But we obediently nibbled the jaggery we were handed (delicious; very sweet but with a lot of flavour and a nice tang).

Our host was obviously relatively wealthy, and well educated. He spoke enough English for us to communicate fairly easily. Sometimes when we got stuck, I managed a few words of Hindi!!!. His wife spoke no English and had not had much school education, but she was quite self assured and comfortable with our presence, very nice to see. We were offered milk I assumed it would have been boiled and, knowing that my stomach is strong anyway, said yes, while my companion was not so sure it would have been boiled and wondered how to politely get out of the spot I put her in by accepting. But we were given Chai instead, tea with milk, well boiled, so no problem. And a lovely sweet dish of carrots called halva. Delicious.

Back at the ashram, we learnt that there had been a miscommunication, and the meeting with Swami Vivekananda had been at 10.30… Oh well. Our visit was running towards it end. At lunch, the line of shoes was decidedly not straight anymore. As we met with Swami Vivekananda to say goodbye and receive his blessing, they were definitely kshiptam, flung about, even more than my mind is when I try to meditate! All in all, it was a delightful excursion, but I do not think it increased our discipline…

Well those were my last weeks. More to come if I find time to write. For now, I have two things I want to mention in this letter, to see if anyone has any suggestions or another reaction. Apologies in advance to those who do not wish to read this. Just pretend you never did!

I have received the suggestion to get these letters published. There are already many books out there, but I would like to try. As a youth I wanted to be a writer... However, I do not have a clue of how to go about it, and not much time to invest. Does anyone have suggestions? Like: which might be an appropriate publishing house to contact? Perhaps tips on how to approach them? The letters would obviously need some editing. That can be done if the option of sending to a publisher comes nearer, not before. Or even after? Don’t want to waste time.

Secondly, you know that in Benin I have co-founded the Himalayan Society of Yoga Meditation of Benin. I care about their survival – and want them to remain in touch with the source of the teaching, which is the ashram where I am staying now. I also want to continue to strengthen the Himalayan Society of YM of Burkina Faso. There is going to be a teacher training event in Rishikesh in March. A number of people from Benin and Burkina will be coming. Also, in June / July, we will organise a teacher training event in Ouagadougou. All this is costing a lot of money, and salaries in Benin and Burkina, certainly of most of our members, are extremely low. I have been sponsoring but now have no income so it is becoming more difficult. I received the suggestion to see if I can find co-sponsors. Perhaps someone among my readers considers this an interesting ‘charity’ (though most of you are not at all into yoga), or perhaps someone has suggestions. We are talking quite a lot of money. We are trying to make some 15 people come, and one air ticket is something like EUR 1.000.

Well, sorry about if you really did not want this. But it is in my heart, so I decided to share.

With love,
Sonia

P.s. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!